Self Care is NOT Selfish
/Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It's not. In fact, doing things for yourself is not only NOT selfish, but extremely important when it comes to your ability to be a more loving partner, a more patient parent (or child!), a more efficient worker and a better person overall.
So if you don't know me very well, right now you may be saying, "But Erin, you don't understand. You don't have kids, you're not married. You don't HAVE to take care of people all day so you don't have time to for yourself!"
True. I'm not married (now), and I don't have a family (yet), but that doesn't mean I don't take care of people all day. As many of my clients can attest, I spend my "free" time figuring out solutions to help them overcome challenges that come up in their lives; with fitness, nutrition, or even general "life" things. (Full disclosure: I'm sitting at the Starbucks that shares a parking lot with my gym writing this on my break, because I NEED to share this with you!).
Why is it so important that I shared this with you? Well- some of us are really bad at it. I mean, REALLY bad it.
And we're bad at it for different reasons. Some of us are bad at it because we don't feel like we "deserve" something, or we feel guilty for using time or money that "should" be used elsewhere (Ugh! The "s" word. Dirty. But let’s not get into that now). Some of us are bad at it because we are so focused on the future we forget to enjoy the journey (insert cheesy "stop and smell the roses meme here...), and some of us are bad at it because (you may need to sit down) there is something virtuous about being the "sufferer," the "giver," the person who never takes time for herself, but always stretches herself beyond necessary for everyone else. Ugh.
Yes I said "herself," because in my experience women are especially bad at this (but that doesn't mean I know a dude or two that are pretty bad at this as well). And while that last little bit may have ruffled your feather a bit, please know that I say it out of love, and with the hope that if you hear it from someone who really does want the best for you that you can take a minute to reflect how much of each of these things may play a part in why you are bad at taking care of yourself. I'll be honest- I can be really bad at taking care of myself, and all three of these reasons play a part.
"Okay, Erin, I get it. I'm bad at taking care of myself, but I just don't have the resources right now. So what difference does it make?"
There's a reason airlines tell us to put our own masks on before assisting others. If you don't take care of yourself, the amount of care you can give is limited. What I’m saying is you MUST make it a priority. Self-Care is not optional.
You can't pour from an empty vessel. And that's just how it is, you can't. If you have nothing left to give, what exactly are you giving (umm….nothing.)? So you see, it's ESSENTIAL that you take time to refuel yourself, take care of and love yourself. It's not vain, it's not selfish, and it's not a waste of time. YOU are worth it.
“But remember, Erin, the time and resources thing? Yeah… I don’t have a lot of one (or both) of those.”
Taking care of yourself doesn't have to involve a lot of money, or even a lot of time. What it must involve, however, is a commitment to self-care not once, but on a reoccurring basis.
Here are a few easy ideas:
A hot bath (bubbles and sparkling wine/water optional!)
A manicure/pedicure (even taking the time to do it at home can feel like a splurge! Heck, go crazy- get yourself a new color occasionally!)
Coffee/lunch with a friend (you know that person you keep meaning to catch up with? The one who you always have an amazing time with whether it's 5 minutes or 5 hours?)
Prayer/meditation time
Gym time! (This. Get your workout in... You will feel better when you do, even if it's 30 minutes at home)
Join a free online accountability group (like my Self-Love Support Group! Enter your email below to be notified when the next group begins!)
Can you add something? What do you do to take care of and refuel yourself?